The Five Most Annoying Things a Customer Can Do

1. If you need more time to decide what to order I have no problem with that but please communicate this when I ask if you are ready. Please don't tell me you are ready to order and then proceed to look over the menu as if for the first time while saying presumably to yourself hmmm... should I get the salad... while leaving me standing there waiting as if I have nothing else to do.

2. This happens at least twice a night. I go to clear a plate and the patron says enthusiastically, I really didn't like it while smiling as I look down on the empty plate. Yes, I get the joke. It's not funny and it's definitely not original. Please stop.

3. What's good here? What do I want? What do you like? Is that enough food? I hate these questions. I understand if you are looking for something specific and need menu guidance. I understand if you need a description of a dish or type of wine. I get a lot of customers however who need hand holding through the ordering process.

a.What's good here? I will go through the menu and tell you what is popular, how things are prepared, what ingredients are used, that sort of thing. I may even give you a personal opinion once I've gauged what you're looking for.

b.What do I want? I am not a mind reader. If I were I would not be working here. I'd be using my awesome skills for world domination.

c.What do you like? Usually when I tell customers what I like, for example the Shiraz is excellent, I get a response like, oh, I hate Shiraz. Well good for you.

d.Is that enough food? Umm... how do I know what your appetite is like?

4. How is everything? Silence. Would you like another drink? Silence. I know that service staff sometimes have to interrupt customers deep conversations but do you have to completely ignore us when we're asking how your food is?

5. You are out to dinner with friends. Your meal is complete, the restaurant is starting to fill up around you, you get the check and then you continue to sit there for forty five minutes. I understand that you are enjoying the atmosphere but please don't be oblivious to your surroundings. The server is losing money by having you continue to sit at the table. Having dinner doesn't mean you are renting the table for the entire night.